Coping with the Anxiety of Pregnancy After Loss
What happens when you finally get pregnant again after loss? They call it a rainbow pregnancy, however, it is anything but rainbows and butterflies. You have pictured the moment in your head a thousand times. The utter happiness and elation. Yet the second you see that positive pregnancy test, the fear sets in and often continues for the duration of the pregnancy.
You think to yourself, I should feel so much joy right now. But instead you are flooded with anxious thoughts of “What if?” and “If only I can make it to xyz in this pregnancy, I will feel safe”. You hear the heartbeat, you see them wiggle, you make it to the second trimester, you feel kicks, find out the gender, you make it to 20 weeks, then viability, then the third trimester. But the feeling of being “safe” never comes.
How do you cope with the constant fear, not of the unknown, but rather the known. Because you already know what the worst case scenario is. You have experienced it firsthand. Your body reminds you before every appointment and scan when your heart starts to race and your chest feels tight. Your mind tries it’s best to protect you by constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I am sharing a few things that may help you get through your toughest, most anxiety provoking days while being pregnant after loss.
Find support- It is absolutely imperative you find support during this season of your life. Not only friends and family, but hopefully your partner, a therapist and others on the same journey as you. It is so vital to have a safe place where you can share your fears and not only feel heard, but validated. Sometimes all you need is for someone else to say, “I have that same worry too, you are not alone”. If you do not already have a therapist, you can try searching for one who specializes in Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders online through various directories such as Psychology Today or Postpartum Support International. You may also want to find an online community such as a Facebook group of women with similar stories or by searching Instagram hashtags such as #pregnancyafterloss.
Journal- When your fears start to feel overwhelming and maybe you do not feel like saying them out loud, writing them down is a great alternative. You can even try writing letters to your baby and your body throughout pregnancy. This will help you connect to your baby even when fear tries to prevent you from getting “too attached”. By writing letters to your body, you are able to encourage your body to continue growing and nourishing the baby. You are able to acknowledge everything your body is doing to keep baby alive day after day. If writing letters is not your thing, you can also buy Pregnancy After Loss: A day-by-day plan to reassure and comfort you by Zoë Clark-Coates for a more structured approach with daily journal prompts.
Use Daily Affirmations- Affirmations are a wonderful reminder to have hope in moments when the anxiety takes over. Keep notecards in your purse or taped to a mirror you look at every day to help you challenge your anxious thoughts. Some affirmations that may help include:
My body is capable of staying pregnant.
Different pregnancy, different outcome.
Today, I am pregnant.
Have a supportive care team- Having an OBGYN, doula and/or midwife who knows your story and supports you will make all the difference when pregnant after loss. Oftentimes fear is heightened at appointments and scans, especially when all you have been given is bad news in the past. The last thing you need during this time is to feel dismissed and as though your concerns are not valid. Maybe you are worried about lack of movement, are high risk or your symptoms have started to subside. Extra scans, hearing the heartbeat or having a Non-Stress Test done at an appointment may help alleviate some of your worries. It can also be so hard to advocate for yourself and your baby in a medical setting which is why having a doula can be so wonderful especially during labor and delivery.
Practice yoga and meditation- As previously stated, connecting to your baby and body while pregnant after loss can be quite challenging. You may feel as though your body has failed you in the past. Perhaps you have felt shame around your body not doing what it was “supposed to”. Yoga and meditation can help you develop a deeper connection to your mind and body, foster peace and combat shame through mindfulness and self-compassion. Not to mention attending a prenatal yoga class is another great way to meet other mamas and grow your support network! There is even a meditation app called Expectful that has guided meditations curated specifically for persons pregnant after loss.
Additional Resources:
https://www.themiscarriagedoula.co/
